As I am nearing the end of my first year at Ambrose University I am starting to look back at where I was at the beginning of September. Honestly I can say that I haven't matured as much spiritually that I thought I would have. I figured by now I would have had some divine revelation in my life where I heard the audible voice of God telling me to go to a small island somewhere that is hard to spell. I thought a lot of things would change in my life and that I would become some sort of "super christian" at Bible school. I think the reason that I thought all these things was because I was making such insane progress in my spiritual life back home. Not saying that you can't grow when your not in Bible college, I'm just saying that when you think about the environment you just assume that you are going to pick up positive habits and lifestyles of the people around you.
I definitely feel like God was working in me in Estevan and preparing my heart for the things I would encounter at University. I was so focused on learning all the information I could and becoming so wise that I forgot God has His own agenda for me. A few of the most important things I can see God has wanted to show me was how weak I am. Coming here wasn't simply to learn about the Bible or hang out with other Christians or serve God's Kingdom. It was to teach me patience, love, discipline, devotion, dedication, trust, fellowship, selflessness, hope and grace (and even more).
The most important thing over this whole year that God has shown me was that I need a desire to serve him. I needed to attend a lectureship for Bernie Van De Walle's class Theology II, at this lectureship Sunder Krishnan was speaking about the mission of the church. In one of the two lectures Krishnan stressed that it is not discipline that we need, but that it is a desire. This seemed so fresh to me and I couldn't understand why. It felt so basic, so simple yet I was completely oblivious to its importance until that night. Discipline was something that I was relatively good at for the most part. Go to church, done. Help when others need helping, done. Go on a mission trip, done. Nearly every time that God strongly called me to something I helped, or tried my best to do my part. This isn't to say that I didn't enjoy these things or didn't want to do them, I wanted to follow God and these things were how I would do that.
Desire is more than that though. How can I learn God's word better? By promising myself to read a chapter out of the Bible every night and ticking off each box before I go to sleep? Sure, it worked to an extent, I have read through a big chunk of the beginning of the Old and New Testament but mostly because I want to read through it all and say that I have read the Bible front to back....This isn't enough for me anymore. Last Sunday I made a decision that I won't simply read the Bible anymore because it's what everyone says I should do or because it means I am being obedient. I decided to change my devotion schedule and frankly, its been really hard!(especially with LYC this past weekend)
Instead of reading one chapter before bed each night and basically skimming over the long parts because I am tired, I decided that I will read my daily chapter right in the morning once I have had time to open my eyes and get my mind ready for the day. I have decided to read Ephesians each night before I go to bed, and then to lay with my eyes OPEN and talk to God so that I will not fall asleep. Can you imagine what it would be like to be talking on the phone to someone and suddenly they fall asleep while they are talking to you? How rude!
I don't want to follow what God wants simply because I should or because it means I am being obedient, I want to follow God because I have built up a desire to serve Him and to know him more intimately. I am excited for what He will do.
I hope you enjoy tagging along for the ride whenever I have time to blog about what is going on in my life.
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus through-out all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
Stay beautiful,
Spencer Lalonde
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