As much as I wish that I could tell you that this is something I used to struggle with I can't. This is something that I am working through and I really suck at. This pride overflows into my spiritual life and I am very hesitant to give control over to Jesus in my life. As stupid as it sounds, I wrestle with God and tell him that he is wrong and that I have it all control. It makes it worse when I have victories over sins and temptation because my ego goes through the roof and I think that I am better than sin and don't need Jesus' help. Essentially what I am saying is that the cross is not enough for me and that I don't need Jesus because I am super awesome, when in fact I am not super awesome.
Here is some imagery that just came to mind. Imagine that your soul is like a really nice pair of jeans. Now you go and do something stupid like try to roller skate down a steep hill and you biff it hard and tear up your jeans all over the place. What you should do with those jeans is take them to your mom or someone really good at fixing rips in jeans. Instead you tell yourself that you don't need it fixed by a professional and instead you pin the holes up and do a rough patch job to fill the holes. The next thing you know those holes are going to burst open again without warning and you are going to be in some real trouble. I wait for those holes to reappear and they grow and stretch out farther, next thing I know I have big gaps in my soul because I refused to go to God for help.
Maybe that imagery was a little confusing but hopefully you got something out of it. There was one particular moment where God humbled me a little bit and showed me that I don't need to be perfect and I don't need to try and do everything myself. I had an argument with someone close to me and shortly after I turned on some music and a worship song came on. The first line of the song was "You are good, you are good, when there's nothing good in me." That really hit home for me because I felt like a big sack of used packing peanuts. I realized how pathetic and weak I am without Christ and how I need to go to God and humble myself. I went and apologized for my actions and harsh words and felt a weight lift from my soul that I had been holding onto and telling God that I "had it under control". He is good even when I am a complete dummy. It blows my mind that God loves me even in my lowest.
A man's pride brings him low,
but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.
-Proverbs 29:23
Stay Beautiful,
Spencer out!
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